New Year Resolutions Even You Can Keep

It’s a new year and a clean slate.  I’ve tried setting New Year Resolutions over the years.  Most of the time, I blow them before February.  Not this year!  Here are a few resolutions I’m going to have no problem keeping!  Please feel free to keep these for yourself:

  1. Start washing my hands after I use the restroom.
  2. Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.
  3. Stop licking frozen flag poles.
  4. Stop bringing my cell phone to bed.
  5. Stream more movies using my neighbor’s WIFI
  6. Go back to school to avoid paying my student loans.
  7. Only eat white snow.
  8. Spend less than $1825 for coffee at Starbucks this year.
  9. Claim my dog Buddy as a dependent on my taxes
  10. Stop trying to make SIRI say cuss words at work
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